


Bottom of the Bottle

by ohmytheon



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Gen, Ishbal | Ishval, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 15:16:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5830459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmytheon/pseuds/ohmytheon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If there's one thing Rebecca can't stand, it's watching her best friend suffer on her own after returning from Ishval.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bottom of the Bottle

**Author's Note:**

> I don't write about their friendship nearly enough. I also have to wonder what life was like for Riza when she came back home after the war. She hadn't even graduated the military academy yet. It couldn't have been pretty. I think my protectiveness over Riza came out via Rebecca.

Three things immediately came to Rebecca’s attention the moment she stepped into the room she shared with her fellow cadet, Riza Hawkeye: one) the cheap bottle of whiskey sitting on the writing table they shared; two) the fact that said whiskey bottle was nearly empty; and three) there were no glasses in sight. Rebecca would outright admit that she wasn’t the smartest person in the world, not even in the academy right now, but she was clever and she could connect dots pretty easily.

And judging from the way that Riza clumsily jumped when Rebecca shut the door behind her, the conclusion wasn’t that difficult to determine. As shocking as it was, Rebecca could tell straight off the bat that Riza was absolutely drunk.

During their time at the academy together, Rebecca had only seen her roommate drink a handful of teams, none of them to the point of inebriation. It wasn’t that she was too uppity about it; Riza just never saw the point in it and usually limited herself to three drinks at the most. It definitely came in handy on nights when all the cadets went wild and Rebecca needed help getting back to the dorms. Rebecca would throw her arms around Riza’s slim shoulders and the two of them would stumble to their room with Rebecca mumbling songs and nuzzling against her friend and Riza chuckling under her breath and giving her small indulgent smiles.

There was none of that here and Rebecca honestly didn’t know if there ever would be again. She had known in her heart that things had changed the moment Riza had reappeared, knocking timidly on the door. Rebecca had waited with bated breath for that day and barely allowed Riza the time to say hello before launching herself at her. The academy had been terribly lonely without Riza, despite her reticent behavior. It had been somewhat self-imposed, as Rebecca had refused to have another roommate in Riza’s place.

The idea of replacing Riza had horrified Rebecca. If she did that, then it meant that she believed somewhere in her mind that Riza might not come back. And the idea of Riza not coming back from Ishval had scared Rebecca into drinking a little more than was necessary when her brain latched onto the idea. And so she had steadfastly refused to live with anyone else until Riza came back to her.

Now though… Rebecca sighed as she took in the sight of her roommate. Riza had been quiet before, but after returning to the academy, she’d taken on an even more serious tone. She was resolute and determined as usual, if not harder around the edges, but there was something else about her that had caught Rebecca off guard the moment she’d realized it. Riza, strong and capable and resilient, was unbalanced. It was hard to notice it sometimes, but right now, it was all that Rebecca could see.

Riza’s eyes swept to the bottle. “Oh, I’m sorry…”

“You should be,” Rebecca interrupted. A rather abashed look crossed Riza’s face as she looked to the ground. Without missing a beat, Rebecca swept across the room, picked up the bottle, and took a swig from it. “I can’t believe you would start without me.”

Despite focusing on the bottle and the way the whiskey burned going down her throat, Rebecca didn’t miss the way Riza’s wide eyes jerked back up to Rebecca or the confused expression that appeared on her face. No doubt Riza was apologizing for appearing sloppy or for any other inane reason, but Rebecca would have none of that. Her closest friend was clearly hurting. She hadn’t said much more beyond a few words about her time in Ishval, but seeing the way she’d jump between being completely impassive to jumping at random loud sounds was enough to confirm Rebecca’s thoughts.

There was no way Rebecca could miss the hollow and dark look in Riza’s once bright amber eyes.

“Lucky for you,” Rebecca continued as she sat down on her bed and reached underneath it, “I’m always prepared.” She pulled out another bottle of whiskey, this one a little better than the one in her other hand. She handed Riza the fresh bottle as she took another drink of the nearly finished one. “This stuff, Riza? Really? I thought I taught you better.”

Riza made a noncommittal sound in the back of her throat as she looked at the bottle in her hands. “It’s better than the stuff we had on the front lines.”

Peering at Riza out of the corner of her eyes, Rebecca tried not to appear as if she was affected by those words. It was the first time Riza had volunteered anything about her time serving in the Ishval War without being prompted. She noted the distant expression on Riza’s face, not exactly solemn or depressed but not musing either. It was like she wasn’t here; it was like she was there, away from Rebecca, back on in that sandy hell.

Not for the first time did Rebecca curse their superiors for thinking they could just pluck a cadet out of the academy and throw them to the wolves without repercussions. Riza was hardy and stronger than most – from what Riza had said of her childhood, she’d taken care of herself for most of her life – but that was nothing compared to war. She hadn’t been properly prepared for that yet, but then again, was anyone ready to kill or die in battle?

“It must have been absolutely vile then,” Rebecca pointed out, trying to sound as light as possible. But then again, if the stuff they drank in Ishval was so gross, then there must have been good reason for them to drink it regardless. Or bad reasons, depending on how one looked at it.

Riza grimaced. “The hangover was even worse.”

“You got drunk for the first time without me!” Rebecca exclaimed, somewhat accusingly. She wasn’t angry though and tried to show that by smiling a little when Riza glanced at her sheepishly. One night after coming back to the barracks, a rather drunken Rebecca had made Riza swear with her life that she would allow Rebecca the honors of getting her plastered for the first time. That was what good friends did for one another, Rebecca had reasoned. The promise had mostly been made to appease a decidedly pushy drunk Rebecca, but they’d turned it into an inside joke between the two of them.

And yet Riza had steadfastly kept to that promise – until Ishval. What had happened to her in that desert?

“I’ll try to make up for it now,” Riza said, opening the fresh bottle and tipping it back to take a drink. Rebecca noted that it wasn’t a small sip either. The girl must’ve had a natural stamina for alcohol. Either that or she just didn’t give a damn right now, which quite frankly scared Rebecca a little.

“Tell me at least you didn’t drink alone.” Now honestly, Rebecca wasn’t trying to pry for information. She still spoke in that same dismissive tone that said she wasn’t being serious and was teasing Riza lightly. Then again, she did truly hope that Riza hadn’t been forced to drink alone on some cold night in the desert, maybe in her tent with nothing but her rifle to keep her company or by a fire to keep the shakes away. Rebecca didn’t know if she could stand that mental picture. Riza had been so vague in her letters.

For a moment, Rebecca was sure that Riza wasn’t going to answer her – and she would have accepted that just fine – but after chewing on her bottom lip, the blonde-haired woman finally shook her head. “No, I wasn’t alone. I…ran into someone that I knew from my childhood. It wasn’t safe for me to drink on my own, not as a female soldier, so I usually was with him and his friend.”

Rebecca just barely managed not to sigh in relief. “Well, that’s good then. You weren’t alone. I hated the idea of you being on your own all the time, sitting in some sniper alcove. It must have been comforting to at least be around someone you knew.”

“He’s a State Alchemist now.”

This time, Rebecca couldn’t stop her reaction if she tried. She’d been in the middle of finishing the last bit of Riza’s cheap whiskey when she let that statement fly and so Rebecca ended up choking on it. The alcohol swirled in her stomach uncomfortably, making her feel ill for a moment. That must have been exactly how Riza had felt when she’d realized that one of her childhood friends had become a human weapon. Everyone knew what the State Alchemists had become during the Ishval War. They weren’t just up-jumped scientists anymore.

So the war hadn’t just taken away Riza’s innocence. It had taken away a part of her childhood as well, tainted some of her good memories. Rebecca gripped the empty alcohol bottle tightly. She was so mad that she wanted to throw the bottle against the wall, but she held that anger in herself as tightly as she could.

“Riza, I’m so sorry,” Rebecca said. Her friend merely shrugged her shoulders and passed the other bottle of whiskey over to her. “No, I mean it. I wish I could have been there with you.”

“I don’t,” Riza replied, looking her in the eyes. “I’m glad you weren’t there. You aren’t…” She shook her head. “You shouldn’t even be around me. I’m…I’m not a good person.”

Rebecca nearly dropped the whiskey. “Don’t you dare say that!”

“It’s true,” Riza countered in a dull tone. “Rebecca, the things I had to do in Ishval… The things I was ordered to do… I never said no. I never balked, no matter how horrifying it was. And by the end of it, I stopped questioning the orders.”

“We’re soldiers; that’s what we do,” Rebecca shot back hotly. Technically speaking, neither of them were soldiers just yet, what with graduation looming over them in the next week, but Riza had already seen war and bloodshed as a mere cadet and Rebecca felt as if watching her best friend struggle with the consequences was a battle in itself.

Riza placed her face in her hands and whispered, “Is murdering people what we do? I don’t feel like a soldier; I feel like a killer.”

Without thinking, Rebecca was on her feet and jumped to sit next to Riza on her bed. She threw her arms around her friend, pulling her close to her and didn’t let go even when Riza startled and tried to pull back. After a moment, she stopped fighting and actually leaned into Rebecca. In all their time together, Rebecca had come to know that Riza wasn’t a very physical person while she herself very much was, but sometimes, people needed that type of reassurance whether they realized it or not. Riza felt so alone right now. She needed to be reminded that she wasn’t.

“You’re a damn good person, Riza Hawkeye, and don’t let anyone, including yourself, tell you otherwise,” Rebecca told her fiercely. She’d been told on more than one occasion that she was quite loyal and more than a bit temperamental, which meant that she was aggressively protective of her friends. And when it came to Riza, Rebecca was double all of that. 

“Please, Rebecca, I’m not.” Riza’s voice wavered for the first time that Rebecca could ever remember. “You’ll probably get tainted just by being around me.”

Placing her forehead against Riza’s, Rebecca threaded her fingers through her friend’s short blonde hair. It was so soft. She bet that it would look absolutely stunning if Riza ever grew it out. “I love you, no matter what you did in Ishval. You’re my best goddamn friend. Nothing you did will change that. And I _know_ you – I know that you’ll do everything you can to right every wrong. You’ll push yourself to make up for what you did. That’s how I know you’re a good person.”

Laughter bubbled up inside Riza, but it sounded more like a cry than anything else. Slowly she reached so that she could grasp onto Rebecca in return and Rebecca felt an explosion of warmth and fondness towards the other woman. There were plenty of times when Rebecca had leaned on her, hugged her, and all that, but it was very rare that Riza returned the gesture. The fact that she did now both broke Rebecca’s heart a little and made her feel hopeful that things would get better. She didn’t know much and she wasn’t that great at comforting people, but she knew that she’d be there for Riza no matter what and that Riza would be there for her.

“Now let’s finish this whiskey and have some fun. I’ve got some condoms that I’m never going to use at this rate, so we might as well make use of them and turn them into water balloons to throw at Jennings and Wallace for being the dicks that they are.”


End file.
